i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
