So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
