YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
