WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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