I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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