I am puke
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
