i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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