thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
