Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
