currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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