She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
