I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
