TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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