He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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