I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
