Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
