You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
