that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
