$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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