So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
dude. I can hear the air.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
