Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
