Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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