You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Acid is not a monday night drug
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
