Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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