Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
