I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
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