i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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