Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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