he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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