he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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