Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
