I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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