She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
