what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
