Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
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