I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
