help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
