so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
