i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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