she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
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