8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
