my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
