I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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