this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I think I just sharted jello shots
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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