Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
