Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
