I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
