I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Naked. naked and bneed help.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
