I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
