I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
there was a trapeze. enough said
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
