Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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