You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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