Swine flu. Run for my life!
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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